


Together.

by jellyfic



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anger, Angst, Calm ending, Comfort, Kurokenweek2020, M/M, Panic Attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:01:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23629672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jellyfic/pseuds/jellyfic
Summary: Kenma had prayed every god he knew that the diner with Kuroo’s mom would go well. But as he is looking at his boyfriend destroying their house out of anger, he thinks things couldn’t have gone worse.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 23
Kudos: 182
Collections: Kuroken Week 2020





	Together.

**Author's Note:**

> This is for kuroken week 2020.  
> Day 1 - Comfort.

It was incredibly easy to notice. It was in his posture, stiff, straight, hands hiding under the table and gripping at his knees. It was in his silence, total silence. Not even the air going in and out of his body could be heard because there wasn’t any. He was holding his breath, willingly or not Kenma couldn’t tell, but he was convinced it was out of anger. He didn’t even have to look to know, because it was obvious; Kuroo was holding back. The calmness in his voice; steady but empty of any emotions, automatic, proved Kenma he was right. 

“What did you just say?” 

Kenma shuddered. He had never heard his boyfriend this emotionless in his life and knew straight away it wasn’t something he would like to hear ever again. Kuroo-san must have sensed the change in the atmosphere more than Kenma since that bluntness was directed to her. The blond heartily wished he could have an ounce of sympathy for Kuroo’s mother but right now, he had none. 

She laughed but the sound was off, unbelieving. She stopped dead when she understood that no, her son wasn’t kidding. “Testu, honey, you are kidding right?” She repeated.

Kenma could feel madness build up in him too, he wanted to answer, to yell her that Kuroo wasn’t lying. Why would he? But it was Kuroo to decide what to say; she was his mother. So he kept his mouth shut, eyes darting to the man at his side. Worry immediately popped up in him when he saw, for the first time in sixteen years knowing each other, an expression he couldn’t read on Kuroo’s face. 

“No mom. Kenma and I are together and dare I say he’s the man I would love to marry one day.” His tone was stern, cutting the atmosphere of the room like a sharp knife. “And I thought, hell I _hoped_ , you would at least be happy for us.” 

Kenma was blushing from the admission of Kuroo wanting to marry him one day. It’s only been three months since they started dating but he’ll be damned if he said he didn’t want to live at Kuroo’s side until the end. The mother’s nervous laugh bought him back to the present moment though and his heart squeezed from fear as he finally registered Kuroo’s tone. 

“Testu, sweetheart, you can’t, you are best friends right?” 

Kenma gave no attention to her, focus on his boyfriend clearly experiencing an unknown emotion. He didn’t know what to do, what to say as he felt Kuroo too far away from reach even with the little ten centimeters gap between them. 

“One doesn’t prevent the other.” Kuroo countered. 

Felling the emergency, Kenma reached out to hold his hand under the table, he pressed, murmuring his name. He waited one second, two seconds, three. No answers. His heart leaped in his chest as he thought he was going to puke. Kuroo was far from anything he could imagine right now. So he stood hastily, throwing the napkin on the table. “We are leaving.” 

Grabbing Kuroo’s hand more tightly, he forced him to get up, ignoring his mother’s protest. He crossed the room to take their jackets, leading his man with him. Kuroo was obedient, gaze locked to the ground. As they were about to pass the door, a small but long hand grabbed his wrist. “Kenma, leave my son alone, him and I have things to discuss.” 

He got out of her hold, turning, face red, to spat with all the venom he could manage —and he had plenty, knowing damn well she just broke him. “We. Are. Leaving.” 

So they left. 

For the first time since Kuroo and Akaashi decided to buy a car together, Kenma sat at the driver’s seat. It wasn’t his first time driving it, but Kuroo would usually make sure to take the lead when he was there, knowing he didn’t feel confident yet. As he turned the car on, he noticed he never felt more out of his own life. 

Everything felt foreign. 

First, Kuroo was still silent, looking at the window with his chin settled on his hand. Kenma wasn’t an anxious driver but right now, he didn’t felt at ease at all and his eyes darting to the man without his consent, out of worry, didn’t help. He even had to follow a different road than the one they usually take because he knew he wasn’t skilled enough to follow the narrowed shortcut Kuroo usually took. 

Everything was out of place. 

So the moment he felt his hands shaking, fear overtook him. He shook his head violently, refusing to let it take the better of him, not here, not right now. He had absolutely no reason to have a panic attack right now, above all not when Kuroo needed him. Turning off the car, he decided to take a few seconds to calm himself before it was too late. 

He plunged his head into his hands, bumping them against the steering wheel. But there were things missing. Three things to be exact. He breathed. First; Kuroo’s voice murmuring him to breath, whispering him he was okay, safe and not alone. He exhaled. Second; Kuroo’s hands on his, preventing them to shake, hiding them between his palms to make sure he couldn’t see them trembling. He inhaled. Three-

The door closed violently. He looked up just in time to see Kuroo entering their building. He exhaled. It was Kuroo. Kuroo was missing because he didn’t feel okay. Kenma had to get his shit together for his boyfriend’s sake. Kuroo needed him. 

Taking a huge inspiration, he got out of the car. He was okay, he could do this. Running to his apartment, he opened the door, heart suffocating and knotted throat. He found Kuroo standing in the kitchen, arms hanging loosely, back turned to him. Kenma approached him slowly, making sure his steps were clearly audible. He straightened his arm, reaching for the man without touching him. He could feel his heart beat fast in his chest, pounding, nauseous but he swallowed the feeling. It cut his body in half, bittersweet, dry. He needed water. But later. For now, Kuroo needed him. 

Kuroo shifted. 

Kenma blinked. 

In one sudden movement, the table flipped dangerously, finishing his race upside down, sending all their belongings crashing to the ground. “Damn it!” Kuroo yelled, kicking a chair, throwing it against the table. Kenma jumped back forcefully, utterly startled. He had to blink several times to get rid of his blurred sight. Only then did he notice he was in fact crying, tears flowing down on his cheeks in horror. Eyes wide, he looked at Kuroo. Never in his life had he seen him like that. But he wasn’t done. 

“Just one time!” The shout echoed in the room, loud, sharp with the sound of their tableware crashing, Kuroo sending them flying across the room. Kenma watched, tears burning his skin, as what was left of his boyfriend destroyed the room. Kicks everywhere, shouts, hands throwing everything. A plate. The plant they took two hours to adopt. A picture of Kuroo and Bokuto at volleyball. Two glasses. Three. The other chair. 

“One fucking time.” Kuroo’s eyes were red, blood-shoot but not from tears. From sheer madness. He was trembling, hands shaking on the top of his head, eyes darting everywhere, frown so deep Kenma asked himself if it was really the lovable man he has known since childhood. 

The blond looked around. His favorite cup was laying on the ground, shattered. The board. The board. Where was the board? Next to the broken chair. It was intact. He could still see Kuroo’s writing on it. “I love you”. “Don’t forget to eat kitten”. The little cat scribbled on the upper right corner. His own writing. “Legendary. Out 12sept. 4PM.” Legendary will be out in a few days. He’s been waiting for that for two weeks now. 

His PSP. Where was it? His eyes flew over the mess once again. He left it on the table this morning before going out. The table was upside down. But he couldn’t see his PSP. A photo of Kuroo and him on his graduation day next to the broken plant pot—

Kuroo. Kuroo needed him. He looked up. But it wasn’t Kuroo. He never had such distorted and mad look in his life, he had never been this hurt. Why was he dismayed? Why Kuroo was-

“I wanted her to support me once!” His mother. Kuroo needed him because his mother rejected him. “I _needed_ her to be there for me. Just once in my fucking life!” 

Kuroo was shouting but it was so loud Kenma wasn’t sure anymore. Was he really screaming? Could a shout this loud get out of someone? The blond stretched his arm, reaching for Kuroo, searching his boyfriend. He felt nauseous, breath itching, feeling cold sweat against his back. He needed his best friend right now. He needed Kuroo. His hands were shaking. But Kuroo’s were too. Right. Yes. He wasn’t the one needing help right now, it was Kuroo who needed him. 

“Kuro, please.” His hands brushed his skin, just a matter of seconds. But the boy backed down, eyes wide. Kuroo back down. He swallowed. It’s hard, dry. Kuroo got away from him. He switched room, passing in front of Kenma to go in the leaving room. He got away. 

“Don’t touch me. Please, I don’t want to hurt you.” His voice was trembling. Kenma frowned. Hurt who? Kuroo wouldn’t hurt a fly. He yelled at Kenma for killing an ant once. Was he yelling at him right now? 

“Kuro, please, let me help you.” Right. His help. That’s what Kuroo needed. He gulped, reaching out. But there was a coffee table between them. “Kenma, please. Stay away.” It was just a coffee table, he could skirt it. “I said stop!” 

The sound was deafening as the table flipped upside down. Books and homework ended on the ground. 

Kenma blinked. 

Kuroo needed his homework for a presentation in two days; he had to pick them up. He bent down, grabbing the notebook to put it on the table. The table. Where was it? He looked up. Why was the TV broken? Why were the shelves on the floor? The living room was unrecognizable. When did this happen? 

He searched for something, anything. Something. Kuroo’s hoodie. It was still folded on the couch. Kuroo. He raised his head. Too quickly. It hurt. He blinked. Kuroo was standing against the wall, hands on his head, kicking their TV stand. He was upset. Had he done something wrong? He approached him. 

“Kuro, what’s happening?” His voice was shaking, hoarse. Kuroo was wearing his lucky shirt. He always wears it on important days. So it was an important day. Why was he mad then? His mother. Right. Kuroo needed him. He breathed out, shaking his head strongly. He had to remember, he had to keep focus; Kuroo needed him. 

“Kuro?”

“Stay away Kenma please. I’m going to hurt you, and I don’t want to, I- please.” But Kuroo has already said that, Kenma was sure. His boyfriend couldn’t hurt anybody. He would never hurt him. So he shook his head, reducing the gap between them. Kuroo repeated, voice roaring. “Kenma, let me.” 

He was crying. Hot tears. Kenma could tell because he was now sweeping them away. He encircled Kuroo’s body with his small arms, burying his head into his chest. His body was hot, warm but not soothing. It was also so stiff Kenma was afraid to break him in two. But he hugged anyway, squeezing with all his force. 

“You will never hurt me.” He closed his eyes shut against Kuroo’s shirt. His whole world was quivering, but he held onto the only thing that could prevent it from collapsing. And he repeated; Kuroo needed help. Breath in. Kuroo needed help. Breath out. Kuroo needed help. And he counted; he was helping Kuroo. One. He was helping Kuroo. Two. **Kuroo**. Three. **Kuroo**. 

And he finally found it. The first thing missing; Kuroo’s touch. The man sighed for long seconds, finally relaxing against his body and placed his arms around him in response. A strangled cry escaped Kenma’s mouth as the first wave of relief overwhelmed him. He tightened their embrace. 

“Kenma, you’re shaking.” Second thing he found back; Kuroo’s voice. He felt tears flowing on his cheeks, quickly absorbed by the blue shirt. He opened his mouth for a huge breath, trying to put air into his lungs. It felt so hard and relieving at the same time, as if he had been under water for days. 

He needed one last thing. He needed help to focus, help to breath and think. So he asked. “Kissy thing. Please.” And Kuroo knew instantly what to do. So he did. And Kenma counted. 

One. Two. Three. Four kisses on his hair parting. A pause. He was with Kuroo; they were childhood friends, and now boyfriends. He loved him with all his heart, and his feeling was reciprocated. 

One. Two kisses on his left ear. A pause. They moved in together and choose an apartment not far away from Kenma’s mother. Kuroo said it was because he would miss her apple pie any other way, but it was because Kenma was afraid of leaving his parents too fast. 

One. Two. Three kisses on his right ear. A pause. They both had many friends, that Kenma loved a lot even if he would never admit it. They all kept contact after quitting high school and organize parties once in the month. 

One. Two. Three. Four. Five kisses on his forehead. A pause. He was doing a computer major. Because he wanted to create video games, wanted to design his own characters and story-tell his own ideas. 

One. Two kisses on the top of his nose. A pause. Kuroo was a freshly physics teacher. He was a remarkably good and considerate one and often made pastries for them before a test, always leaving some for Kenma in the morning. 

One kiss for each eye. A pause. They’ve been dating for three moths already, even though everyone thought they had been dating since high school. But they had taken things slowly, because they knew they will end their life together. There was no rush. 

One. Two. Three kisses on left cheek. A pause. They told Kenma’s parents about it. They answered that they had been waiting for ages. They couldn’t wait for them to be married and threatened Kuroo to rip him apart if he would hurt Kenma. He will never, he promised. 

One. Two. Three kisses on right cheek. A pause. They decided to contact Kuroo’s mother to tell her about it even if she hadn’t always been there for him. Kuroo wanted his mother to know and had hoped she will support them. But she did not. 

One. Two kisses on the lips. A pause. They were back at their apartment. Kuroo was hurt and destroyed the kitchen and the living room. He made a panic attack. They were now standing in the living room, whirlwind of emotion at bay. 

He sighed, plunging his head into Kuroo’s chest again. This time, the warmth felt soothing. It didn’t get rid of the dryness of his throat, the nauseous feeling he still felt or his headache, but at least he wasn’t quivering anymore. Kuroo too, his body was loose, a bit heavy on top of him, but at least it was Kuroo. 

“I’m sorry.” The guilt was evident in his voice, obvious in his body, posture screaming how bad he felt. Kenma shook his head. 

“You don’t have to be.” He breathed out, air humid and heavy. “It was just... Scary.” Kuroo hummed in response. 

“I should, clean up.” He made a move to get away from his hold but Kenma refused. He did put a bit of space between them, but laced their finger together. 

“Not today. For now, let’s just, go lie down and wait for tomorrow.” 

Kenma led them to Kuroo’s room since he had the biggest bed. Hands firmly laced with Kuroo’s, a bit sweaty and hot but comforting. A presence in the chaos surrounding them, a reminder that they were together. Closing the door of the room behind them felt like a fresh breeze under the summer sun; welcoming, refreshing. As if for a brief moment, they just decided to put aside the heavy, the disturbing and unbearable. They won’t forget it, just focus on the breeze for a moment. 

They both climbed onto the bed, falling into their usual cuddling. It was like putting on clothes; a habit; limbs entangling out of reflex as if they have practiced it million times; which they did. Their legs intertwined, feet brushing against the other, toes playing and curling absentmindedly. They had both one arm on top of the other in a half hug, laying there lazily, an embrace but not really; still a presence. And like a Tetris game, Kenma’s head found his place into Kuroo’s neck as the chin of the latter settled on the top of the blond’s head. 

The moment they fell into that posture, they sighed deeply, the exhaustion of the previous moment crushing their body to the mattress. Emotions were hard. Kenma could still feel his throat itching, scratching, as dry as the desert but he knew no water could help him right now. His head still hurt a bit and Kuroo’s legs felt heavy on top of his but he couldn’t move. He felt extremely tired and knew his boyfriend was too. It was still early in the afternoon, but it definitely felt like this day didn’t have an end. 

Kuroo’s hand found its way into Kenma’s strands, playing with them without intended to; an automatism he had picked since they started sleeping together. He couldn’t see his boyfriend’s face, but the blond knew Kuroo was looking absentmindedly at the wall, thinking about the day again and again, re-living each seconds of it. So he kissed his skin, a silent praise for him to stop, to relax, a reminder that he was okay, he shouldn’t feel guilty. And Kuroo responded by a kiss on his hair, blowing air out of his mouth. 

“I’m sorry she didn’t react like your parents.” Kuroo finally spoke. His voice was full of sadness but at least it was him. Kenma knew these emotions in him; he knew how to deal with that on the contrary to his outburst from earlier. He shook his head slowly, brushing his nose against his skin. 

“It’s okay, it’s for you that I’m worried.” He felt the little shift in Kuroo’s arms around his waist, tightening the hold a bit.

“She just, doesn’t know how to react. She has her problems and doesn’t know how to be a mother. She was just surprised, maybe she will accept it in a few days. Please, don’t hate her, though I could understand if you-“ 

“Kuro.” Kenma interrupted, knowing Kuroo would start rambling and stress. But he sighed, because he knew the man would say that even with what happened, he would have preferred the contrary though. Kuroo was still Kuroo; he couldn’t really be mad at his mother for too long. He was too caring, too hopeful. He had always wanted for her to act like his mother, to take responsibilities. He had accepted her with her flaws and even as she rejected them today, he knew Kuroo couldn’t keep grudges against her. He was still mad at her, that was for sure. But he would find her excuses to give her another chance. 

“I know she’s,” he sighed, searching for the good word. “She’s not a great mother. But she’s still the only family I have left... I just can’t be mad at her; I’m sorry.” 

Kenma continued brushing his nose against his skin, an attempt to calm him. “I can’t _not_ be mad at her for everything that she did —or rather did not do— for you Kuro.” He paused, sighing too, letting the words sink in. “I don’t hate her. I’m mad, but I don’t hate her. I know that even after all this time she still is important for you.” 

He guessed Kuroo was silently crying but didn’t look up to see. He didn’t need to, he knew it wasn’t the right time for that. So he kept shaking his head, top of his nose warm from the contact. “But know that she is not the only family you have left. My parents have always considered you like a second son.” 

This time, Kuroo pulled him against his chest, burying his head into his hair and encircling his body with his arms. Kenma said nothing, just enjoying his peaceful scent, letting him time to process, to feel. He waited patiently, knowing that they will be okay. The physic aftermath of the moment will be gone for the both of them after a good and long nap. And as the mental one, they had time together to sort things right. They will clean their apartment tomorrow and buy new things during the week. 

“You know, if you wanted to redecorate, you just had to ask.” 

Kuroo didn’t laugh, but Kenma felt his smile as he put a kiss on the top of his head. It wasn’t much, but it felt like everything after the outburst they both experienced. So he smiled too, settling himself more comfortably and letting the warmth of their body erase his pain, pulling him into a deep sleep. 

**Author's Note:**

> It was really supposed to be a short thing about comfort, but guess my hand slipped. This will probably be the only thing I’ll post on ao3 for kuroken week since it’s the only long fic. But if you want to read the threads for the next days; here’s my twitter: @no0emiie (sorry still can’t link anything) 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it, leave kudos/comment if so, it will for sure make me happy!! 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! <3


End file.
